determined to have fun

When I started working I decided that I would do something to please me and at the same time would not try to analyze why it pleased me... Mostly it’s a visceral - the inside reaction... I just listened to this voice and the voice said “I’d like to do that” and that was the end of the conversation.

Getting to know Ed

Ed Emberley, Children's Book Illustrator | by Ed Emberley

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I wish that I had about a hundred hours of Ed Emberley just chatting while drawing with marker pens because this is very pleasing.

I crave, covet, pine for that sentiment I extracted from this video and posted above. Nothing feels further from the truth of my present situation. No idea how to go about finding a road between here and there, how to "find out how to find out" as someone advised me in a rather random exchange.

If you lost the knack of listening to that voice that tells you what you'd like so long ago that you can't really remember being able to hear it, what then? This line of inquiry is very depressing.